Ten days ago, I had the pleasure of accompanying my sister-in-law as she delivered my godson’s little brother…
Zen Jacob!

THE CarlaStarla! accompanying Kerryann!

As many of you know…I lost my 4th child, JaguarStar! on Friday, August 13, 2010, at 8-1/2 months pregnant, due to a placental abruption coupled with pregnancy induced hypertension! 
I was fortunate to be exposed to the Cycle of Change, via my Leadership Journey class the following week!  I didn’t buy it at first, but as a certified life coach I was open to hear it through…there’s always a Golden Nugget to take away!  I learned that there are phases to change & that we’ll go through them whether were conscience of it or not!  I also learned that if we didn’t hit each phase…we’ll “bounce around in our own boxes”!
With that new knowledge, my new goal was to…go through my time of grief consciously!  As I got back into the swing of things at Toastmasters, Dress for Success & building my business, I stayed aware of how I was going through my grieving process, by reflecting on what I learned a few months ago!
Immediately I hit…
1.  Immobilization
2.  Denial
3.  Anger
4.  Bargaining…was next
5.  Testing &
6.  Acceptance…multiple times
…& not in that order though!
Then I realized that I hadn’t hit Depression
So the coach in me declared…I will take 1-week-off from any type of work to operate in veg-modeI intentionally did things I normally didn’t do!  I woke up late…stayed in…watched movies…lived without a to-do-list & ate Halloween chocolate!…;D  More importantly…I purposely thought about JagStar! & responded the way my emotions wanted!  Over the years, I’ve groomed myself to be able to smile & stay positive as I’ve endured numerous hardships…so it was a challenge!  That class Empowered! me to “decompress”My Time…My Mind…My Emotions!
With that I’m proud to say that with God’s Grace, I had an Awesome! time again “testing” my strength & peace of mind about Jaguar’s loss!  I appreciate the opportunity to do the things I didn’t get to do for JaguarStar!  I co-planned, co-hosted the baby shower…I decorated the hall…I created the favors…I “nested” at home & the most Exciting! & Liberating!…I accompanied her into the delivery room!
I got to experience a different ending…I was 1st to hold Zen Jacob as he squirmed & looked for feeding!  I escorted Zen Jacob to the nursery…I watched Zen Jacob have his first feeding & sponge bath!
I was asked…How are you feeling, being so involved with Zen Jacob?  I thought, then responded..”The experience has been very therapeutic!  I’ve consciously stepped into the next level of RE-Creating the Life I Was Born to Live!
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2 Responses to “Another…Baby!”
  1. janice says:

    Good job, Carla. You’re handling your grief and not letting it handle you.

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